To Measure the Mind
by karistarz
Summary: One-shot, plus bonus material. Nami and Robin decide to hold an intelligence competition behind the boys' backs. The question is, who's the winner?
1. To Measure the Mind

Summary: Nami and Robin hold an intelligence competition behind the boys' backs. The question is, who will win? Story occurs post-Enies Lobby.

WARNING: Spoilers up to when Franky joins the crew! Also, this story will mostly be based on the manga rather than the anime (I think the fillers aren't as important to mention).

Note: There are no pairings in this story as I believe none of the Straw Hat pirates are capable of falling in love yet. I say "yet", because perhaps some sort of convoluted storyline would convince me. ;-)

Disclaimer: One Piece is not mine. But I have a swimsuit just like it-- (_author gets clobbered by the Straw Hats. Excuse us for the temporary technical difficulties we are having._) Ahem. Once again, One Piece is not mine.

Anyway, enough with the rambling. On with the story!

* * *

**To Measure the Mind**

There was a catharsis and a period of peace that always seemed to come naturally after every struggle they endured. Indeed, the atmosphere on the Thousand Sunny was calm; unusually so, as if it had blended with the waters below to reflect the azure blue of the cloudless sky. All was quiet on board the Straw Hats' ship, and a small bird twittered amongst the mikan trees, hopping from one mikan to another as if it couldn't decide which one to feast on first.

Bad idea.

"OI! GET OFF MY MIKAN TREES YOU STUPID BIRD!" A rampaging navigator yelled, breaking the silence. The poor bird, which was caught completely off-guard, went into a paralysing shock, falling to the ground in the process. And, as if the Devil himself had cursed it, a certain Monkey D. Luffy had to pass by as well.

"OHHH! MEEAAATT!" Ecstatic with his newest find, Luffy quickly stretched out an arm and grabbed the bird, making sure not to touch even a single leaf of the mikan trees (it had resulted in a seriously disfigured face, one of Chopper's near-hyperventilating episodes, and worst of all a no-snack punishment from an ever-protective cook). "OI! SAAAANNJII! I found us some food! Cook it now! Right now! I'm starving! I hadn't had anything to eat since ages ago!"

Sanji, clad in his suave black suit, emerged from testing the capacities of his new kitchen, for once without a cigarette between his teeth as he didn't want to get the ashes over the sparkling kitchen floor. Not yet, anyway. But Luffy was making him think twice when said captain literally rocketed into him, shoving the hopeless bird into his face.

"I want it fried! No, wait – how about roasted? Yeah, that sounds about right! Roast it, Sanji! Over a huuuuuuuuuge bonfire on the lawn deck! But cook it fast too because I'm hungry!"

One curled eyebrow ticked upwards, before Sanji stood up and shot a long, thin yet powerful leg straight into the captain's head.

"SHUT UP!" he roared, his good mood dissipating at the face of his captain's stupidity. "First of all, this bird is tiny! Once the feathers are plucked, there will be hardly anything left. Secondly, YOU CAN'T LIGHT A BONFIRE ON THE LAWN DECK! GRASS AND WOOD ARE FLAMMABLE, YOU IDIOT!" He kicked Luffy again for good measure before finally giving in to his cravings and lit a cigarette.

"But Saaaanjii, now that the fridge has a lock, I can't have my meat snacks! And I'm only getting three meals a day now! YOU'RE SO STINGY!" Whining and rubbing the new bruises on his head, Luffy pouted like a child, one hand still clutching the poor bird. His insult only served to fuel the cook's anger, although Sanji was secretly glad to see that his new lockable refrigerator was doing its job well. He only hoped that Luffy would never be able to figure out how to pick locks (although he didn't believe Luffy had the mental capacity nor the patience to learn how to do so – but then again, God forbid, Luffy might just grow strong enough to rip the fridge door open).

"Aho! You're only _supposed_ to have three meals a day like everyone else! And we don't know how long it will take before we reach the next island, so our food has to last!"

"But Saaannnjiiii…" Luffy was about to continue his whining but was interrupted by Nami who had just finished pruning her mikan trees, taking off her gloves before placing them and her shears onto the patio table that Franky had brought out onto the grassy deck.

"This time, but just this once, I have to agree with Luffy. That greedy bird deserves to be cooked for trying to eat my mikans…" No sooner had these words left her lips, Sanji did a 180-degree flip in mood and attitude, his eyes turning into their trademark pink hearts.

"YES NAMI-SWAAAAAANN! That ill-mannered bird certainly deserves that punishment! I shall sauté it perfectly for you!" And with that, he promptly snatched the bird out of Luffy's hands before vanishing down the ladder towards the kitchen, no doubt in a flurry to complete the task he once denied. Sighing at Sanji's over-eagerness, Nami looked over to her captain who was already watering at the mouth. A familiar gleam overtook her eyes, which was so obvious and familiar that even Luffy broke out of his stupor temporarily to look at her.

"I'll be adding 1,000 beri to your debt as a service charge." Laughing evilly at Luffy's horrified cries of "WHAT! That's why you agreed with me!", she turned to join Robin who was sitting by the patio table, humming in pleasure as Chopper and Usopp joined Luffy's cries in saying she was evil/a money-obsessed girl/a demon.

As Nami approached, Robin looked up from her book smiling, evidently having heard everything that just happened.

"Ah, another money-making technique, Nami-chan? You sure are harsh on our captain." She took a brief sip of tea that Sanji had prepared for them earlier (as he put it, "with tender loving care for my two beautiful ladies"), watching the orange-haired girl with blue eyes as she sat into the other chair across from her.

"Heh. They're just stupid for always falling into my traps," Nami replied, grinning at the thought of earning more money. A cool breeze swept by, carrying the cries of an annoyed Franky who was shouting "Hey, don't touch that! Those are delicate tools that I need for this ship!", most likely to the overly energetic Luffy, Usopp and Chopper.

"Perhaps. But I think you've figured out all their weaknesses already. Would you like some tea?" At that, Robin sprouted an arm from the table to pour tea from the teapot into Nami's cup, and Nami accepted gratefully with a nod of thanks before putting the teapot cover back on. She was a little sore from crawling around her trees, so she allowed herself to relax in her chair, sipping her tea thoughtfully.

"It's a beautiful day today, isn't it? It's during these times when I'm really glad to be a navigator; I can actually tell from 'good weather that's going to stay good' and 'good weather that's just the calm before a huge, devastating Grand Line hurricane'." Robin chuckled at Nami's comment before agreeing with her. However, before she could say something to further their conversation, Sanji came waltzing in with a plate of hors d'oeuvre, twirling gracefully in his usual love-struck manner.

"NAMI-SWAAAAAN! ROBIN-CHWAAAAN! I've finished my dish of love – I named this dish 'Wings of Passion', because that was what I felt while cooking this!" In a flourish, he was by their table, offering them the plate in a perfect, waiter-ly way (though with a somewhat awkward, exaggerated pose as he was down on one knee, lifting the plate upwards towards them as if he was presenting some sort of sacrifice to the gods).

"Ah, thank you, Sanji-kun!" Rewarding him with a smile, Nami looked at the plate, admiring this new dish the cook had come up with. As its name suggests, there were thin slices of meat placed carefully onto individual layers of lettuce and toasted bread bits, each speared with a toothpick with a heart-shaped top and arranged into the form of two soaring wings. Both girls took one each, savouring the perfect combination of their light snack. Almost immediately after, though, Luffy, Usopp and Chopper came flying from the helm, demanding to try some too.

"FOOD!" Before any of them could touch the plate, Sanji gave them a roundhouse kick, sending the three boys (well, one boy, one rubberman and one reindeer) flying.

"THIS IS ROBIN-CHAN AND NAMI-SAN'S SNACK! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH IT OR I WON'T MAKE LUNCH FOR YOU! YOUR SNACKS ARE IN THE KITCHEN IF YOU'RE SO IMPATIENT!" Roaring in anger (and in love, too), Sanji humphed before turning into a gentleman once again. "Forgive those idiots, my lovely ladies. Feel free to enjoy this as much as you want! Would you like anything else, Mademoiselles?"

"Ah, it's fine, although it will be lunchtime soon…make sure you make enough so that Luffy doesn't have to resort to stealing food again. But besides that, these 'Wings of Passion' are really delicious!" Nami took another one, happy that the cook was such a fool for love. But only because she and Robin got the best food, not because of the constant fawning.

"Ah, I'm in love all over again! Oh, I'm so fortunate to have such a wonderful, amazing lady as my nakama!" Swooning under Nami's compliment, he almost seemed to melt in pure pleasure, disturbing Nami a little before turning to Robin. "How about you, Robin-chan?"

"I'll be fine as well, Cook-san. But are you sure you should leave those three alone in your kitchen?" Robin pointed towards the hell that seemed to be breaking loose somewhere below deck, which was confirmed when pots and pans began flying out of the hole that led to the kitchen.

"HEY! DON'T DESTROY MY KITCHEN IN THE PROCESS!" Enraged, Sanji charged, no doubt to give the three mischief-makers a good beating. Chuckling, Robin nibbled on another 'feather' before picking her book up again.

"Ne, Robin, what are you reading?"

Looking up from the interruption, Robin wondered why the navigator would be interested in what she was reading, before she read the longing for a girls' chat in Nami's eyes. That, and the feeling that Nami didn't want to lose her again to the mysteriousness Robin always tried to wrap herself in before finally finding the people who wouldn't allow her to be alone. Returning a smile, Robin showed Nami the cover of her book.

"It's called The Complete History of the Anthropology of Ancient Civilisations and was written by Gerrald Cage. I bought this back in Water 7 but never got a chance to read it." She didn't have to explain why, of course. Nami merely nodded because she understood, and had already decided to accept Robin for who she was.

"Eh? That sounds pretty complicated and sophisticated…as I thought, you're pretty smart, Robin. Unlike most of the people here." As if on cue, Luffy, Usopp and Chopper all limped past, sporting numerous lumps and bruises and grumbling about a "stupid love-struck chef". Robin smiled lightly at Nami's compliment.

"Well, I've always loved archaeology since I was young, and the archaeologists in Ohara were some of the only people who were kind to me. It also helped to live near a tree that doubles as a library which contained countless rare and fascinating books." She chuckled, though it was a wistful one.

"But it still means something to read all those books, right? Besides, you can't compare yourself to the idiots on _this_ ship. Trust me; as one of the first members of this crew, I could probably sum up everything that goes on in almost everyone's mind. And for some people, it would only take a few sentences." Grinning, Nami took another sip of tea, making sure to keep a trained eye on the log post and the weather.

"Really? Well, if you had to choose, who would you say is the most intelligent male member in our crew?" At Robin's question, Nami almost choked on her tea and ended up coughing a bit.

"Robin-chan, the words 'intelligent' and 'male' don't go together! At least not on this crew! You've just made an oxymoron!" Biting back her laughter, but failing miserably, Nami had to force herself to remain in her seat, trying hard not to imagine a world where people like Luffy, Sanji, Zoro and the rest were considered 'intelligent'. "Really, Robin. You may look serious, but you can make the funniest jokes!"

"Oh, but I was serious. Haven't you ever thought about it? Intelligence may be harder to measure than you may think…" Speaking cryptically, Robin did look serious in her question, so as a diversion, and something to greatly amuse herself with, Nami decided to at least consider an answer for her archaeologist friend.

"Well, I find it hard to believe that there is anyone on this ship smarter than either of us…" She sighed, trying to think of each member of the Straw Hat pirates according to their 'intelligence'. Seeing her inner struggle, Robin decided to offer a little help.

"Well, how about Chopper? He reads a good many medical books; as many as I would with my archaeologist books. His knowledge on medicine and how to treat different health ailments is quite amazing."

"Hm? Chopper? You do have a point there…I've never told you, but before he joined our crew, we were at an island called Little Garden, and I was bitten by this insect and got a disease that almost took my life. Apparently, I would have died within 5 days had we not gone to Drum Island for a doctor, and it was Chopper who healed me and made sure there was no relapse of the disease, even though we left earlier than we should have. Perhaps you're right; he does have a knack for intelligence in biology and chemistry – I heard that he invented the 'Rumble Ball' himself!"

Robin listened intently, interested in what life was like before she joined the Straw Hats. Nami looked ready to settle on Chopper, when in the distance, she heard Usopp saying something about him defeating 10,000 sea kings and eating them all for dinner before pulling out all their gigantic teeth and stuffing them under his pillow for the tooth fairy, and now he was a gazillionaire although he buried all his treasure on an unmarked island ("and don't tell Nami about it!"). She almost smacked herself in the head when Chopper's cries of "WOOOWW! Really? You're so cool, Usopp!" could be heard all over the ship, even though Luffy's laugh clearly showed that in this respect, even he could tell that Usopp was lying, but he was enjoying the 'story' too much to enlighten the ever-so-innocent Chopper.

"…But, he is too naïve. Much, much, _much _too naïve. And he has never learned how to hide his emotions," Nami added, remembering the first time she saw Chopper do his 'I-am-NOT-happy-you-stupid-human' dance when she complimented his medical skills. "Sure, his technical knowledge on medicine and disease is amazing, but he's more like a child; a little like an_ idiot savant_ with only heightened, specialised knowledge." Robin hummed ambiguously, looking briefly at the reindeer who now had wide, popped-out eyes and his jaw on the ground in disbelief at the realisation that Usopp had just lied to him again.

"Perhaps."

Nami smiled thoughtfully. "But he has had some experience in suffering – I heard about his past from Dr. Kureha, and apparently he was isolated a lot since he was neither a reindeer nor a human, so maybe the reason why he responds to Usopp's lies in such a way now is because it is his own way of being someone's friend – to listen to others. And you can't deny the fact that he is a great listener, albeit a little on the 'way too trustful' side. Maybe being a doctor plays a part in that too, even though sometimes he even forgets that he's the doctor in this crew." She chuckled, taking another bite of her snack.

"Doctor-san sure has a past similar to mine," Robin reminisced, and felt gratitude well up for the reindeer who was willing to revert to a true monster just to help save her. She remembered him and Nami being the first ones to glomp her, only to use up his remaining strength to do so and ended up lying helplessly on the ship, unable to move. "He is a curious little creature. Well, if you don't believe that he's the most intelligent male crewmember because of his child-like innocence, then who would you consider? Franky?"

Looking over to their newest crewmember who was currently repairing a dent in the mast (caused by Sanji kicking Luffy into it), Nami scratched her head.

"Well, I don't know him very well yet, and even though I can't deny that his carpentry skills are top-notch and that he has a knack for building powerful yet very functional ships, he doesn't seem the type who would pick up a book," she said, noting the punk electric blue hair and the Hawaii t-shirt. However, all thoughts of proclaiming him the winner flew out of her head when her eyes landed on his underwear. "But ultimately, he's an over-emotional pervert. End of discussion."

Sweat-dropping, Robin was about to protest and say that Franky, despite his appearance, was very knowledgeable about the topic of friendship and had encouraged her all through their ordeal in Enies Lobby, but she stopped herself. Some things should be left unsaid. "Then, how about Nagahana-kun? He's a little like Franky since they both know how to invent new things, and he's not a pervert. I heard that he also invented his new weapon, the 'Kabuto'."

"Usopp? He is good at these things – he invented my Clima-Tact after I asked him for a weapon, and after trading for some dials from Skypiea, he upgraded it to into the Perfect Clima-Tact." Nami let a hand touch her separated Clima-Tact, proud that she can now be considered a formidable foe because of Usopp. If she ignored how she was humiliated during her fight with Miss Doublefinger and that her increased strength led to her bounty, she could almost, _almost_ say that he was very smart. Pushing down the urge to get angry at these memories, she calmed herself before continuing. "I know that he invented all the different types of ammunition for his slingshot. He also uses some pretty good strategy during fights…"

Trailing off, Nami recalled the heart-breaking fight between the captain and the sharp-shooter, where Usopp managed to get in several well-placed hits due to good planning. Feeling a sudden pang of sadness, she looked over to Usopp and Luffy to reassure herself that they were still good friends, even though they were very different from one another. However, she was proved slightly wrong again when Usopp did his 'Sogeking' theme song, telling Luffy and Chopper to join in to "pay tribute to the amazing man from Sharp-shooter Island". Which they did with great enthusiasm. Sighing, she turned back to the matter at hand. "I admit that he has come far for such a scaredy-cat, and he really helped a lot during our battle against Baroque Works and CP9, but he's just as ready to stick chopsticks into his nose and fool around as Chopper or Luffy is, and always gets the 'I-cannot-set-foot-on-this-island-or-else-I-will-die disease' or some other stupid 'illness' like that. He also couldn't tell how much our treasure was really worth when we went to Water 7 to get it appraised." She shook her head in disappointment and disbelief.

"I highly doubt that anyone here apart from you and I would know such knowledge about exactly how much gold from an ancient civilisation would be worth…" Nami ignored Robin's comment, continuing her reasoning.

"Well, if Usopp were intelligent, he should also have learned by now that lying doesn't really get him anywhere unless his opponents are as dumb and naïve as Luffy and Chopper. In the end, I think he doesn't fully deserve the title for the 'smartest', Robin. Perhaps he is in terms of creativity, but I wouldn't bet a single beri on him being the most intelligent. And I have to say that I'm extremely good at gambling."

"Ara ara, you have very high standards, Nami. As harsh as usual." Robin smiled a cryptic smile, so that even Nami couldn't tell whether she was joking, or whether she was being judged. "I am beginning to doubt whether you would choose anyone."

"Ah, I'll arrive at someone sooner or later." Pondering a bit, she hesitated before making a suggestion. "Although I may loathe myself for saying this, maybe Sanji-kun would be the best choice. I mean, he really has a knack for planning ahead when the situation calls for it, such as handling all the food rations carefully…even though Luffy always defeats his calculations." She laughed, wondering exactly how many times Sanji had beaten up the rubber boy for sneaking so many 'snacks', which were usually large enough to be considered as entire meals. "However, on a more serious level, I have seen him do some pretty smart things; for example, when Luffy, Usopp, Zoro and I were trapped in a Kairoseki cage in Rain Dinners, he cleverly manipulated the conversation on the Den-den mushi so that it seemed as if someone killed him, so that he could buy time to save us. You remember that, right?"

"Of course. Even I was impressed with the way 'Mr. Prince' managed to trick Crocodile. I also recall him having the foresight to close the Gates of Judgement so that we could escape from Enies Lobby," Robin added, drawing a nod from Nami.

"Yes – he can be quite the strategist when he wants to, which really makes me curious about what goes on in his mind other than recipes, new insults for Zoro, and women."

Robin chuckled at Nami's insightful statement. "So is that your answer? Cook-san?"

"Did someone from heaven call for me?" As if on cue, Sanji suddenly appeared with a pot in one hand, and a sexy look on his face. Well, what he thought was sexy, anyway. Nami had been immersed in the conversation too deeply, so when he seemingly popped up from nowhere, she let out an "Eep!" of surprise, falling out of her chair. Luckily (or maybe not), Sanji was fast enough to catch her gracefully before setting her on her feet, all without dropping the pot in his hand or the calm look on his face. Until he couldn't hold back his joy at making contact with the navigator, transforming his eyes to beating hearts. "MELLORINE! Ah, Nami-swan, you didn't have to literally fall for me! I wouldn't want you bruising your lovely pale skin!" Nami sweat-dropped before getting back to her seat, giving him a dubious look.

"Oh, Sanji-kun…what are you doing here? You scared me!"

"I did? I'm sorry, and I deeply apologise if I had offended you in any way…please, forgive my manners." With that, he made a sweeping gesture of remorse, an exact model of a gentleman. Before he recovered in an instant. "Oh, but if we can get through this ordeal of love, our bond will just strengthen all the more, Nami-swaaaaan!" He lunged towards her, attempting to embrace her.

Nami hit Sanji on the head to knock some sense into him, and to stop his advancing. Rubbing the new lump on his head, Sanji merely grinned with affection.

"Sorry. My love for you is just too great…anyway, I came by to see whether your teapot needed refilling." As proof, he held up the pot of hot water that he had miraculously managed to keep from spilling a single drop, despite all the poses he had struck and Nami's punch. Sighing at his helplessness, Nami merely waved her consent.

"Fine; our tea was getting cold anyway. But next time, don't interrupt us when we're having an important girls' talk!"

"Hai, Nami-swaaaan!" Falling in love all over again, he quickly and expertly refilled the teapot and refilled their cups of tea before leaving again. Taking a sip from her now piping-hot cup, Nami gathered her thoughts again.

"I change my mind. He's an incompetent fool for love. Or what he thinks is love, anyway."

"Ara. But I thought you said you'd settle with him."

"Well, he dug his own 'grave' when he came just now. And now that I'm thinking clearly, one serious flaw in his so-called 'intelligence' is the way he fawns over each and every woman he thinks is attractive. He might even be mistaken for a stalker or a player. There's also his obsessions with his 'code' where he cannot harm a single hair on any woman, not even if the opponent is someone who just harmed his nakama. I forgot to tell you this, but during the fight against the CP9 members, he had come across Kalifa, who was the worst possible opponent."

"Ah, that is bad."

"Yup. He got his ass kicked all over, just because she was a woman! Attractive, too, which adds salt to the wound," she added, remembering the shock she received from seeing Sanji's 'soaped' body that was mixed with his blood. "Geez. And she wasn't even as attractive as you or me."

Robin smiled at the indirect compliment. "He may be a little too chivalrous in that respect, but aren't you being a little harsh on him? That was the way he was brought up. And besides, I think his cooking is wonderful: in its own way, you could consider that as 'intelligence'." She pointed to the 'Wings of Passion' dish, now almost completely polished off, as evidence. "He also knows exactly who likes to eat what, and always prepares the best dishes for us."

"You have a point there. But still…" Nami hesitated, searching for another reason for changing her mind. "He's also killing himself slowly with all the cigarettes he goes through each day…I've heard Chopper berate him countless times, but he always just shrugs it off. I bet he thinks it makes him look cool in front of the ladies."

Somewhere in the kitchen, Sanji sneezes.

"So, not Cook-san then?"

"No," Nami replied firmly.

"You might as well analyse the other men while you're at it. That way, we can first lay out all the pros and cons about each member before you decide on your final answer."

"Ohh, that's a good idea," Nami confirmed, impressed yet again by the organised, logical mind of the archaeologist. "Who do we have left?"

"I believe we haven't talked about Kenshi-san yet."

"Zoro?" Nami sweat-dropped. "Um, to call him 'smart' is a little too far-fetched for me. He seems to have invented his own kind of idiocy. I'd trust him in any physical fight or battle, but a battle of wits?"

"Surely there must be something you respect him for other than his physical strength," Robin pressed. "He seems quite serious most of the time – don't knitted eyebrows indicate deep thought?"

"Yes, but in his case, that's his normal 'Zoro' look! I mean, that guy can even knit his eyebrows when he sleeps!"

"Good point. But I get the impression that he is instinctively intelligent."

Confused, Nami raised a single eyebrow in scepticism. "What do you mean?"

"Remember the day I asked Luffy to take me in as a part of his crew?"

"Of course," Nami said, nodding. How could she forget? It was the same day they left Vivi behind, and the day she gained a new onee-chan (who came with several high-quality jewels).

"I can still feel his glare when he saw how easily Luffy said 'Yes', and that he was the only one who remained suspicious of me."

"That's just Zoro – he's suspicious of anybody who isn't an idiot."

"Ah, but if he can sense intelligence, doesn't it indicate that he possesses some as well?"

Hesitating slightly, Nami wrinkled her nose in doubt. "Maaaaybe…I don't know…most of the time, I have absolutely no idea what he's thinking of, though. Remember when we had to swing from a vine to get from ship to land during our time in Skypiea?"

"I only vaguely recall something like that..."

Nami face-faulted. Well, it was like Robin to forget such an 'ordinary' incident, whereas to her, it was a life-and-death situation when she looked down at the sky sharks devouring their fellow shark. The older woman and Zoro had calmly swung on the vine, not caring about the possibility of the vine snapping, the sharks jumping to try to eat them, or how to land without killing themselves…she sighed at the monstrous strength of the two.

"Well, we had to swing across this vine, and Zoro, before he jumped off, cleared his voice and started hollering 'AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAaaaaa' like some wild savage!" Nami imitated his Tarzan-cry, but really exaggerated it so she sounded like the 'idiot' she was copying. "He even told me that I was scared because I didn't do 'the call'!" Robin laughed, now remembering that such an event did happen on Sky Island.

"I remember now. I've always thought that it was just a whim of his. Doing that doesn't necessarily mean that he's an idiot."

Nami rolled her eyes in indignation. "Well, I've got plenty of other evidence to disprove you."

"Like what?"

Closing her eyes, Nami searched for the times Zoro truly proved his stupidity. "Like…the time we were on Little Garden, Mr. 3 had trapped Zoro, Vivi and I in his wax pumpkin cake thing, and even though we were slowly suffocating and there was little to no hope of rescue, Zoro had the nerve to suggest doing a pose before dying, just so we could look cool in death! I mean, who _poses_ for death! Happy events or important photographs, I can understand, but during a completely macabre, morbid situation? Only idiots aren't afraid of death!"

Twirling a lock of raven hair with a delicate finger, Robin contemplated this piece of history for a moment before answering carefully. "Nami-chan, although I agree that it may be a little silly, I think that his lack of fear for death just reveals his resolution, not stupidity."

"Resolution? What do you mean?" The younger girl tilted her head in bewilderment, as if asking an older sister for an explanation on a subject that was just out of her reach.

"The resolution of facing his goals with everything he has, even if death is at the end of his dreams. I think that this is one of the most admirable qualities in Kenshi-san."

At this, Nami furrowed her brow in further confusion, and for a split second, looked a little like the person they were talking about. "What? But doesn't that make his dream pointless then, if he dies in the end without fulfilling it?"

Seeing that Nami hadn't quite grasped the concept yet, Robin tried again. "When I was placed on a rowboat from Ohara, I had nowhere to go but forward. I had to chase after what my sensei had not managed to do, which is to find and read the Rio Poneglyph that contains the 'Void Century'. I was willing to sacrifice anything – my reputation, my life, and my nakama." Pausing, a rare look of something akin to pain crossed Robin's face before she put her poker look back on. "On Arabasta, when I failed to kill Mr. 0, I was truly ready to die. It was not stupidity, Nami-chan, but more of an acceptance that I did all I could to try and fulfil my dreams, but wasn't strong enough to do it. And once you've accepted death, you can't be afraid of it anymore. Of course, this doesn't mean that I would willingly die in any situation, but the acknowledgment that death is imminent allows me to truly appreciate each day I have, and that, in itself, is enough to say that striving after a dream is not pointless, even if it ends in death."

Nami fell silent, feeling a great admiration for her friend, but more than that, she felt a new respect for Zoro. She knew that she always singled him out the most when she wanted to scam money from someone because he was a simple, honest man, but to see him in a different light shed some understanding of his underlying motivations and thoughts, and his straightforwardness was actually a manifestation of these qualities. He was like a plough, carving his own path towards his goal, and coupled with his inhumane strength and determination of something stronger than steel, he might just make it to the end. "Robin…you won't leave again, will you?" Nami asked quietly.

Robin smiled, and this time, the smile reached her blue eyes. "Of course not. You are all my true nakama, and I am thankful that my own dreams have not ended in my death."

Grinning back in relief and pure joy, Nami made a note to herself to always appreciate and respect the only other female member of the Straw Hats, and perhaps take 1,000 beri off of Zoro's debt. Because she was so kind and generous (and Luffy now owed her more money anyway so it breaks even). Sighing, she stretched out her arms above her head like a cat, trying to think of more pros. "Anyway, back to the subject of Zoro, he does have a knack to know when to jump in when the rest of us gets too emotional." Leaning forward, she placed an elbow on the table and propped her head up with the back of her hand. "That time, after we'd rescued you from the World Government and we heard that Usopp wanted to rejoin the crew, I was really shocked when Zoro refused to take him back since Usopp was one of the first people to join the group. You don't know how much it hurt Luffy for him to leave…even though we filled you in briefly when you came back, it was much, much harder to actually see Usopp parting from us than to just hear it. So I thought Zoro was out of his mind when he said no, and even after he explained, I was really angry but confused about his reasons why he wouldn't let Usopp back in. But now that I think about it, he knows everything about this."

"Oh? Everything about what?"

"Everything about being a man with pride, honour and dignity, and not letting anything, not even his emotions nor anyone else's emotions, get in the way."

Robin nodded in agreement, completely understanding. She had been listening quietly during the time Zoro spoke his mind to the time Usopp returned, and even though the severity of the event was lost on her as she wasn't there when he left, the tone the swordsman had used was full of wisdom and understanding. He was the embodiment of pride, and even though he never said anything about it, she was sure that the long scar streaking across his chest was adequate proof of such pride.

Both girls fell silent, letting their discussion on Zoro sink in a little before it dissipated into their peaceful surroundings. Or, what was peaceful until…

CRASH!

Something _exploded_ within a very, very close proximity to Nami, and she literally _screamed_ before diving next to Robin, the blood draining out of her face.

"KYAAA! WHAT WAS THAT?" Scared out of her wits, Nami trembled, while Robin calmly surveyed the situation.

"Ara. Something seems to have fallen here…" Before she could finish, Sanji rushed out in extreme alarm and worry for his two ladies.

"What? WHAT HAPPENED, NAMI-SWAN? ROBIN-CHWAN? Daijoubu? I swear, if either of you are hurt or even have a _single hair_ that was damaged, I will kick whoever did it until he FALLS STRAIGHT TO HELL! AND THEN KICK HIM SOME MORE!" With a feral roar, he exploded into flames, ready to fight the culprit. Nami, already in her shaken state, 'Kya!'ed and ducked even lower behind Robin who was laughing at their antics, amused to no end.

"Don't worry, Nami-chan. I highly doubt that we're under attack, considering the objects that just landed." Looking over, Robin glanced over the objects, nonplussed by what just happened. "They're just iron weights. Judging by their labels, they apparently weigh 250 tons each. If that had landed on either of us, we would have been squashed to death in an instant, our blood splattering all over the lawn deck. Perhaps we would have made something that looked very artistic with our blood streaking across the grass."

"ROBIN! THAT IS NOT FUNNY!" Nami stood up and yelled, disturbed by the typically macabre comment from Robin. "And where the hell did these weights come from?"

"OIII! Nami! Can you bring those back for me? I swung my 1,000 ton barbell too forcefully and made all the weights at the end fly off." From the now shattered windows of the crow's nest (which was also used as the gym), Zoro called out, poking his green precariously in between the jagged edges of glass.

"So it was you…I should have thought so. Only a marimo that was completely brainless with no manners whatsoever would do such a despicable thing as trying to kill a lady." Growling in a low, dangerous, and extremely pissed-off voice, Sanji's face darkened, his bangs covering both eyes instead of one. He flicked his previously lit cigarette onto the pile of weights, crushing it with his foot. The weights broke under the pressure as well.

"HEY! You broke my weights you love-cook! How am I going to train now?" Too far away to hear Sanji's dangerously low voice, Zoro scowled, digging his own grave deeper.

"_Why you sh_ – "

"Wait, Sanji-kun." Nami's own eyes were shrouded, and her orange hair seemed to float ominously due to a dark aura that was radiating off her body. Taking a huge breath, Nami turned towards the direction of the gym, and _roared._ "YOU IDIOT, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING GRASS-HEAD! WERE YOU TRYING TO KILL US! AND ALL FOR THE SAKE OF GETTING STRONGER? AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE TO MAKE THOSE WEIGHTS FLY ALL THE WAY OVER HERE?!"

"Oi, oi, oi! You don't have to be so mad! And you're still alive, so why are you yelling at me??"

"Why, you…" Shaking with anger and indignation at the swordsman's ignorance, Nami took large gasps of breath, forcing herself to calm down. Quite, quite suddenly, her entire face lit up in an overwhelmingly eerie smile, the same smile that she used to indicate that something really, really bad was going to happen. "Ah, it's okay, it's okay. _I'll just have to raise your debt by 5,000, and charge you for the repairs for the Thousand Sunny._" With that, she filled the air with her most malevolent, most evil laughter, chilling Zoro to the bone.

"WHAT! But I – what _do_ you have against me, you devil woman! That's it, I'm _definitely_ going to push you down to hell!"

Not quite done yet, Nami turned to the almost-ready-to-explode cook who was trembling in pure rage.

"Sanji-kun?" She asked in her sweetest voice possible.

"Yes, Nami-san?"

"_Sick him._"

"With pleasure, Nami-san." With that, he zoomed towards the gym with frightening velocity, Nami's evil snickering spurring him on all the more.

"Are you sure Cook-san won't end up killing Kenshi-san?" Robin asked Nami, wondering whether this would be the final fight the rivals would have.

"Hm. If Zoro dies, I'd say that he deserved it. Although I'd be annoyed that he would never be able to pay his debt." Grumbling, she ran her fingers through her hair, trying to release the tension that had built up so drastically in the last minute.

"Ooooooi! What happened here?" Looking up, Nami saw Franky running towards them, his metal feet clanking against the wooden floor.

"Well, Robin and I were almost killed by – "

"I wasn't asking about _that!_ I was talking about this _great big dent_ in the new ship!" Franky huffed angrily, pointing at the broken weights that had embedded itself into the ship.

Nami was about to retort back when a light bulb went off in her head. "Maa, maa, Franky – don't get so mad. It was only a teeny accident that caused this huge damage on this lovely ship you gave us."

"An accident? What accident creates this kind of damage?!"

"Well, only the type a swordsman with no brain and armed with a barbell with 1,000 tons attached to it could cause."

"WHAT THE – I'm going to kick his ass for that! Where is he!"

"At the gym. It's probably half destroyed by now." As if on cue, the red and yellow roof of the gym suddenly flew off, revealing the duelling men, their movements blurring into a flurry of motions.

"KORAA! STOP DESTROYING MY SHIP! _STRONG RIGHT!_" Shooting his right arm, he grabbed the edge of the gym to propel himself like Luffy's 'Gomu gomu no Rocket', infuriated by the further damage the two men were causing.

Giggling, Nami sat back in her chair, ignoring the damaged area. She sighed with satisfaction at Zoro's cries of "Wha – _Franky!_ Why did you tie me up with your chain? No – wait – _not my katana!_" Turning back to Robin, she put on her most serious face she could muster.

"_Definitely __not__ Zoro._"

Robin sweat-dropped. "Oh…okay…"

"That idiot is as dumb as the dumbbells he uses each day. It's always day in, day out of training, and if he's not, he's out like a light, snoring through the _entire day! _You'd think he was chronically tired or something! I swear, one day he'll die not from fighting, but because his entire body decided to shut down from the lack of movement…"

"But you always make sure to wake him up, don't you? Perhaps it's the way you always wake him up that caused him to lose some brain cells…" Robin referred to the violent way Nami would always punch Zoro's head. "Maybe Doctor-san will have some information on how to cure this and help him gain his brain cells back."

Nami snorted in incredulity. "Chopper had already offered to make a medicine that would cure Zoro of his 'hopeless idiocy', as he put it. So far, I have a feeling that even if Chopper managed to make this medicine, it wouldn't work on Zoro. Can you believe that back in Enies Lobby, he couldn't do something as simple as _going up the staircase_ when there was only ONE staircase which was right in front of him! And he said that it was somehow _my_ fault for giving him confusing directions!" She recalled that time he had begun to run off in the opposite direction, and remembered that it was the same day all her lingering thoughts of Zoro not being as stupid as he seemed to be disappeared. "I change my mind - on second thoughts, I think he will die from starvation after getting lost in the middle of nowhere. Or maybe on a simple island, with no money because it all belongs to me."

"But he always gets where he needs to in the end. Doesn't that say that he has at least a tiny sense of direction?"

"That's due to us holding his hand the entire way, or extremely, extremely, _extremely_ good luck on his part. Face it, Robin – the only 'sense' he has is nonsense!" Huffing at her final outburst, Nami crossed her arms, closing the discussion on Zoro once and for all.

"Oi, Nami! What's wrong?" Both girls looked up at the sound of Luffy's voice. He, Usopp and Chopper were leaning over the railing of the helm in curiosity. Of course, the fight that was still going on in the gym didn't escape their attention either.

"A-a-are we under attack? YOSH! The great Captain Usopp-sama will now demonstrate his overwhelming power and defeaaaaaaaat..." Usopp's battle cry petered out to simple trembling, and he began to creep behind his captain's back.

"Oooooh a fight! Who is it? The marines? I wanna join!" Laughing, Luffy was about to do his 'Gomu gomu no Rocket' when Nami interrupted, not wanting more damage to be inflicted onto their new ship.

"Calm down; it's just Zoro and Sanji going at it again."

Usopp and Chopper sighed in visible relief, although Usopp tried to cover it up.

"Whaaat? And here I thought I could show off my ultimate strength – "

"The only 'ultimate strength' you have is the strength to run away, Usopp." Nami rolled her eyes before sighing as if she were disappointed (but she knew Usopp couldn't help it).

"Hahahahahaha! You know, she's right Usopp. You're a lying coward." Luffy, as always, found it funny instead of insulting towards his friend, letting out his signature hearty laugh. Annoyed, Usopp pouted, glaring at the two.

"Hey, you don't have to be so blunt you know."

"Awww man, and here I thought that something exciting was finally going to happen." Completely ignoring the brooding sharpshooter, Luffy sighed in disappointment before turning back. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. "Oi! Chopper, Usopp! I just had a great idea…" Waving them over, he smirked, face full of mischief. Curious, Chopper and Usopp huddled around Luffy – a sure sign that they were going to do something that Nami would most likely yell at them later on for.

"Mattaku…they will never be able to stay out of trouble…" Shaking her head in despair, Nami watched as the three schemed, no doubt ready to do anything to relieve their boredom until the next bizarre or exciting thing comes up. "When they do, perhaps it will be a sign of the Apocalypse…"

Robin chuckled at the brief 'entertainment' they received, unfazed by anything that had just happened. "How amusing. But that was perfect timing."

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"We've finished discussing Kenshi-san. So there's only one person left to discuss."

"Masaka…you can _not_ be serious, Robin…"

"Ara? I thought we were going to give everyone a fair chance."

"DAME! Zettai dame! They say that there is a fine line between idiocy and genius, but in _his_ case, he's proof that the gap is actually TREMENDOUSLY LARGE, as far as the East is from the West!"

"Nami, aren't you exaggerating a little?"

"…He has the mental capacity of a 5-year-old. As far as I'm concerned, he does not have an ounce of intelligence in him." Nodding to herself in absolute conviction, Nami thought about their childish captain. "He's even more of a simpleton than Zoro is! Not in a naïve way like Chopper, but simple and straightforward enough to still fall for the easiest of tricks, especially disguises. He can't even tell that Sogeking is Usopp, even though they are the best of friends! There has to be a limit to how easily someone can be fooled, and he's already crossed that boundary. Not to mention that he's not a child anymore, _and_ is our captain! You'd think he'd be more responsible, but he's the exact opposite of everything a captain should be!"

Monkey D. Luffy sneezed several times, sending Chopper into a temporary frenzied panic.

"He's also obsessed with meat and food in general. No matter how many times he gets kicked by Sanji, he never learns from it. He's not even quiet when trying to sneak around!" Nami continued, remembering the numerous times the entire ship was woken up in the middle of the night by the sounds of pots and pans clattering to the floor of the kitchen. "He doesn't know the meaning of 'self-control'! And because of that, we've had to suffer through several near-starvation escapades. He never considers the consequences of his actions either, such as always jumping straight into danger and fighting the most dangerous of opponents with no plan or strategy whatsoever. You can hardly tell whether he can get serious or worried about _anything_ at all!" Tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, Nami poured herself more tea, which was lukewarm by now. Sipping the tea, she forced herself to calm down before the agitation from remembering all the dumb, idiotic things Luffy had done could cause a headache. Robin had been listening quietly at Nami's complaints, making it hard to tell whether she was in agreement or not. "So? What do you think of Luffy, Robin?"

Keeping a discreet eye on their captain, Robin leaned in closer to Nami, as if she was going to say something very confidential. "Could you possibly be…jealous?"

Nami was so surprised that she forgot herself for a moment, spraying tea all over the table in an un-ladylike manner. Robin had reacted quickly, growing a wall of arms along the table to shield her and her book from the spray.

"Excuse me? Jealous? Of _that idiot? _He has nothing that I want! Except the money he owes me, but that isn't 'jealousy!'" Nami almost yelled this before remembering that they were gossiping and shouldn't be too loud (although she highly doubted that any of the guys would be interested in their 'girl talk'). Wiping her mouth, Nami gave Robin her the 'No-way-in-HELL' look. "Now _that_ has to be a joke, right, Robin?" Robin remained silent for a moment, using a third pair of hands to wipe the table with a napkin before making them disappear. "Robin?"

"Sorry. I was thinking that perhaps you felt a little like what I feel." Robin's face remained solemn, causing Nami's curiosity to rise further.

"What do you mean?" Nami felt astounded that even a clever, calm yet strong woman such as Robin would want to be like Luffy. But she caught the barely wistful look of Robin, so instead of hounding her with more questions, she waited.

After a few sips of tea, Robin gave her answer.

"I envy his ability to throw caution and suspicion so freely into the wind. Luffy is not fazed by anything, and his one-track-mind makes him stubborn, but extremely focussed. Once he sets his mind on something, he will do it, no matter what happens. He also possesses the self-confidence and determination to follow through his words, like a child that believes he is invincible." Fingering the corner of her book, Robin paused before continuing. "I admit that he is quite child-like and does cause trouble at times, but don't you feel that there is always something deeper to his character? That's the feeling I had when he rescued me from Arabasta."

Although Nami didn't know the complete details on what happened during Luffy and Crocodile's fight, she had an idea of what Robin went through when she heard that Luffy saved her even when she wanted to die. She had felt something disturbingly similar when Arlong betrayed her, stripping her of the path to freedom that she had forged with tears, sweat and blood. Unconsciously, her hand reached up to finger the scar on her shoulder lightly. It didn't hurt anymore, and sometimes, she would touch it and wonder if it was what hope felt like. It was she who had held the knife with white knuckles, but she couldn't help but feel that it was even more painful when Luffy stopped her. She had tried to make him go away, saying that he didn't know anything, nor did he have anything to do with her despite having fought side by side already. He had merely acknowledged and accepted, but he didn't leave.

He had waited. With such child-like innocence, yet also with a clairvoyance that only children were blessed with, he knew exactly what to do. And she had loathed it, because in those few simple words, and those following seconds of silence, he had so easily broken her resolve. Like Robin, she was stripped of her hope, her good intentions, and her will, all because he wanted her to ask for his help. Like a drowning devil-fruit user, she gasped out her humiliating cry for help, all for the chance to breathe fresh air again. Only then did he leave. He left her with his hat – his promise, broke Arlong – her chains, destroyed the navigation room – her hell, and declared to the world that he did all this because she was his friend. Her hope. His triumph. In this way, Luffy was dangerously brilliant.

Nami shuddered, but it wasn't because of the cool breeze that just swept past her. She had always tried to deny Luffy of any credit, making many excuses that usually resulted in her hitting Luffy for making stupid remarks or selfish demands. But she was only in denial because she had always known that Luffy was in his own world of intelligence, and didn't want to admit that in his world, they were all far, far behind. Well, perhaps Zoro would come close, though he didn't share Luffy's innocence. Zoro would give each person what he or she deserves, whereas Luffy accepted anyone on an instinctual basis. As long as it was someone he could forgive, he would easily become friends with him or her. He also possessed a frightening charisma that allowed him to 'lure' anyone who talked to him, charming them with his outgoing personality like dragging a magnet through a crowd of iron beads. And once you got to know him, you would either hate him for his obstinacy or can't help but admire and like him – there was no middle ground, no ambiguity that could exist with Monkey D. Luffy. This was probably because he'd either hate you or like you, too.

Nami laughed suddenly, startling Robin. The older woman had seen Nami stare into space and decided not to break her out of her reverie, so in turn, she was lost in her own thoughts.

"What's wrong?"

"Ah, nothing, nothing." She gave a big grin. "And you know what? Maybe I'm a tiny bit envious after all."

Robin, though she was a little surprised at her change of heart, smiled anyway.

"Only a _tiny bit,_ mind you. I will admit that he's inhumanely strong, always knows instinctively exactly who he has to fight, and that his instinctual level of fighting allows him to pull through each fight, but that's all I'll give him. Oh, and he's very good at persuading others as well when he sets his mind on something, even though most of the time it's more like he doesn't care at all what the other person has to say, so the other person is forced to give in and agree. In the end, he's still mostly idiot like the rest."

The archaeologist chuckled, knowing that there were probably more qualities that Nami respected Luffy for, but didn't want to say out loud. But she left her alone. Besides, there were many things that she herself wouldn't say either, not because it was embarrassing, but because you can never say everything about anyone with mere words, especially not someone like Luffy.

"So, based on everything we've discussed and thought about, what's your verdict?"

Nami pursed her lips, doing a last sift-through of all her thoughts and feelings on each candidate, analysing them and cross-analysing them before finally reaching a single person. Leaning closer so that only Robin could hear, she gave her verdict.

"Don't tell anyone, but I'm going to go with – "

"OI! Oi, Nami! Nami! Look over here! Look!"

Irritated by the sudden interruption, Nami turned towards the excited voice that was a lot closer to her than she'd thought it would be. "What is it?? Can't you see that I'm busy talking to – "

"Franky impression!" Luffy, Usopp and Chopper were also on the lawn deck, standing within a few metres of the table. Or rather, Luffy was standing. In the background, Usopp and Chopper were laughing so hard that they had both collapsed onto the grass, rolling around in tears and laughter. But Nami hardly saw them when she registered that Luffy had rolled up his pants to resemble underwear, left his vest open and flapping, strapped several stalks of spring onions (which were all painted blue) around his head, stuck 3 cut-off points of carrots to his chin and last but not least, had a large piece of meat strapped to each forearm. With a horribly painted blue star on each slab. She did not have the time or mental stability to react before Luffy struck Franky's signature pose, bringing his arms together above his head to form a single star out of two messy half-stars and shouting out "SUUUPEERR!" Sparkling stars danced off him and landed at her feet. Or rather, her jaw, which had already made its way to the ground. "I am the great Franky! I feel super! SUPER!"

Looking over at Nami, Robin was slightly worried that she was about to burst a blood vessel. Either that or unleash the demonic side of her. Or maybe both.

"STOP FOOLING AROUND YOU IDIOTS!"

Ignoring her, Chopper and Usopp continued to laugh as Luffy continued to pose several times, even throwing in a poorly imitated dance move once in a while. The two were beginning to turn blue from all the laughing, the exact opposite colour of Nami's enraged face.

"Oi, oi! What do you think you three are doing to my image?" Franky himself appeared, cracking his knuckles in an ominous way. Smiling smugly, Nami decided to let Franky punish them for acting like 3-year-olds and insulting him, seeing as he could deal a far harsher blow than she could. "You're supposed to do it like THIS!"

"DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM!"

Before Franky could pose too, Nami pummelled them all in an instant with her chair, raining blow after blow on them until the chair was extremely misshapen. Panting slightly at the effort she exerted, she exhaled, frustrated by their incessant nonsensical behaviour.

"I think that this is why they can't gain more intelligence…you've beaten all the brain cells out of their heads already."

"No; I bet they were _born_ this way. And you can't change human nature, Robin." Nami sighed, pulling a face at the fact that the guys had just destroyed her perfectly good chair, and that she'd have to 'persuade' Franky to make her another one.

"ROBIN-CHWAAAAAAN! NAMI-SWAAAAAAN! Would you like to have lunch now? Or another snack before lunch? Or my undying love?" Sanji danced towards them as usual before striking a final pose. Or he tried to, before he found Nami's foot in his face to stop him from advancing too close.

"_Don't touch me._" Growling, Nami left for her room, all notions of choosing a winner of the 'intelligence competition' pushed back to and out of her mind. She was stupid for even considering that there would _be _a winner, and even more so for choosing _him_ out of all the male crewmembers.

"MELLORINE! MELLORINE! The angry Nami is still sooooooo amazingly beautiful!" Recovering with amazing speed, Sanji's eyes filled with love and happiness, despite the bruise that was already forming on his face.

"SUUUUPPERRR!" "SUUUUPPEEERR!" Apparently, the other four had also recovered, and all were imitating Franky's pose with grins of pure joy plastered all over their faces (although Luffy looked a little pathetic as his spring onions were damaged during the beating he received). Their excitement caught Sanji's attention, causing him to look over his shoulder.

"HEY! Luffy, did you steal food from the kitchen again? AND WASTING IT BY STRAPPING IT TO PARTS OF YOUR BODY!"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? I'll eat it later anyway – " Before Luffy could finish his pout, Sanji had already aimed a kick towards his head, but Luffy's quick reflexes helped him evade the kick, causing the blow to land on Franky instead.

"KORA! You'd better be ready to pay for that, because I'm feeling strong this week!" With that, Franky aimed his right arm at Sanji, only to catch Usopp and Chopper with the chain as well. This caused a huge, heated five-way fight, although Luffy was laughing all the way through.

Robin sat in her chair, smiling and enjoying the view.

"Ah, what a lively day." She sipped her now cold tea, before making a mental note to herself. _'Must ask Nami more questions like this more frequently.'_

**-THE END-**

* * *

Wow. This turned out a LOT longer than I thought. But it's DONE! (collapses in exhaustion) Anyway, I hope you liked it. Feel free to review, and if you spot any mistakes,_ please _don't hesitate in telling me! I tried to make it as accurate as possible because I'm very particular at being technically correct, so give me any criticism you can think of. And I'm sorry that Robin is a little out-of-character; she's usually silent, I know. It's hard to nail down her exact character. So just pretend she's talking more than usual because she's in a really good mood, and also because she's doing this for Nami's sake. Now that I think about it, perhaps Sanji is a little off as well, but I don't like using swearwords when I'm writing. But I still think I got his character (so much simpler than Robin's lol).

This story does NOT have any pairings, but I suppose that if you squint really, really, _really _hard, and have X-ray vision…no.

And I apologise for the slightly feminist comment made by Nami; I'm sure she really doesn't think that way. She's just surrounded by men who act idiotic most of the time.

Last but not least, please stick around as I will be adding an omake or two as the next few chapters (for those who don't know, 'omake' refers to 'extra' or 'bonus' pages that are usually really funny, strange, or just plain crazy). Thank you for reading!

**--**

**Glossary (because I know I used a lot of Japanese romanji):**

Mikan – mandarin (can be either the fruit or the tree which bears the fruit), a.k.a. tangerine.

Aho – idiot

Nagahana-kun – Usopp (literally, Long-nose-kun but I think the romanji version sounds better)

Ara – hey/oh/ah, not directly translatable, but something along those lines

Kairoseki – sea stone, a mineral that drains devil-fruit users of strength because it emits the same 'energy' as the sea

Nakama – if you don't know, you don't watch/read One Piece. Haha. But it roughly translates to 'friend' or 'comrade'

Kenshi-san – Zoro (literally, Swordsman-san)

Onee-chan – to address an older woman (but not too old); more like 'sister'

Sensei – teacher, instructor

Daijoubu? – Are you okay?

Marimo – a green ball of moss. A typical insult from Sanji as Zoro's hair is green. Google it if you still don't know

Maa – something the Japanese say to calm down others

Yosh - ok (said in the manner of "Here I go!" or something like that)

Kora – hey (said in a way to grab attention)

Mattaku – really (in the way that it's like saying 'geez' or 'how annoying')

Masaka – no way/it can't be

Dame – no

Zettai – absolute/absolutely (so 'Zettai dame' is like 'absolutely no way!')


	2. Omakes 1 and 2

I'm FINALLY BACK!! Wow. I really should have done this over the summer…oh well. Enjoy!! Oh, and please note that the omake won't make sense if you haven't read the main story yet.

Zoro: snorts I don't think anything you write makes sense.

Sanji: What? WHAT DID YOU SAY TO A LADY?! _(they start fighting)_

Uhh…right…anyway. On with the omakes!

* * *

OMAKE 1 - Author's Orders

"Ano…why are we doing this?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's supposed to be funny."

"It's to annoy Sanji for being such a meanie!! So just do it! Captain's orders!!"

"You mean, it's in the _script_ we were given by this crazy author. So it's the crazy girl's orders."

"Whatever. It's still fun."

Sighing, Usopp and Chopper joined Luffy in grabbing pots, pans and any cutlery they can find lying around before hurling them out of the hole and onto the lawn deck.

"HEY! DON'T DESTROY MY KITCHEN IN THE PROCESS!"

* * *

OMAKE 2 - Alternate Universe

"So, who do you think is the most intelligent male member in our crew?" Robin sipped her tea, waiting for Nami's answer.

Without skipping a beat, she said with absolute conviction –

"Why, Luffy of course! Who else??"

_Suddenly bolting upright, beads of sweat strewn across her entire body, her gasping breath filling the space between her ears, Nami shivered, drawing her bed sheets around her. _

"_That…was the worst nightmare I've ever had."  
_

* * *

I was just going to leave the first omake by itself, but it looked really short and pathetic. Though omake 2 was a little cliché. Oh well. Stay tuned for more omakes, coming up!! (And I promise, they will be longer!) Feel free to review, blah blah...


	3. Omake 3

AN: I've edited the main story a little (mostly syntax/word usage stuff). And many thanks to BlueLion for spotting that mistake! Typos should be burned and wiped off the face of the earth!

Welcome to the third omake! The only reason this is up so fast is because I wrote this quite some time ago, and only needed to edit it. I think I need a cheering squad. Or a slave driver.

Nami: How about extortion? _(her eyes go –kaching!-)_

…Mom! I need more allowance!

* * *

OMAKE 3 - If at first you don't succeed...

"Oi, oi! What do you think you three are doing to my image?! That's _nothing_ like me!!" Angry, Franky lifted his sunglasses upwards so that Luffy could feel the full effects of his glare.

"Ah…it's not?" A little disheartened, a food-covered Luffy paused in mid-dance, wondering what went wrong with his 'Franky impression'. Suddenly, his eyes lit up again, having another brain-wave. "OH!! I know what to do now!! Thanks, Franky!" With that, he whispered something to Usopp before rushing back to the kitchen.

Raising an eyebrow in curiosity, Franky turned to Usopp to ask him what Luffy said to him, but instead, saw the sniper desperately trying to hold back his laughter, water leaking from his eyes already. "What? What did Straw Hat say to you?!"

"Pfffftt…..p-please….don't say anything…..or I….just...might…..lose it…." Usopp clenched his stomach, clearly very amused by whatever Luffy had said. At that moment, Luffy returned, holding something in one of his hands.

"Hey! Are you ready Usopp?"

Chuckling, Usopp calmed himself, ready for the laugh of his life. "I got it, I got it." Still grinning from ear to ear, he cleared his throat several times as if he were about to say something important. Franky and Chopper looked on in immense curiosity (well, Franky was more suspicious than curious), wondering about what would happen.

Putting on a serious, sombre expression, Usopp sighed dramatically and cried, "My life is ruined. I lost my reputation, my money, and all my stuff…but as long as I have my nakama, I WILL STAY STRONG!" At this cue, Luffy stuffed the half-onion that he'd found in the kitchen into his eyes.

"That's…so touching…don't say anymore! YOU IDIOT!! DAMN IT!! I'M NOT CRYING!!" His eyes flooding with tears, Luffy pretended to bawl, covering his eyes with an arm and doing Franky's "I'm NOT crying!" pose.

Usopp and Chopper promptly broke out in peals of laughter, banging the deck with open an open palm and hoof.

A vein pulsed on Franky's forehead, and he was positively _smouldering_. "Oh, so you think that's funny, eh?" He cracked his knuckles ominously. Before he could do anything though, the sound of footsteps approached them, and Franky turned to see who it was.

"Oi, have any of you seen my onio –" Spotting the now laughing Luffy, tears still streaming from his face surrounded by two other laughing idiots and one really pissed off Franky, he could roughly deduce what had happened. Slowly lifting up his right leg until he was doing the splits standing up, his face shadowed by his bangs, he murmured to Franky, "Would you mind if I joined you?"

"Be my guest. But only if you let me have Luffy's face and Usopp's nose."

"I'll take everything else." Wordlessly, they moved.

That night, Usopp and Luffy vowed never to do their 'impressions' ever again. Until dawn came, of course.

-END-

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Franky and his endearing way of denial-crying. XD Priceless! Stay tuned for more! And feel free to review!


	4. Omake 4

AN: I wrote this ages ago, and only just got round to posting this. Hm. But enjoy! Again, I own no rights to One Piece, except the right to torture the characters. Muahahaha.

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OMAKE 4 - IQ stands for 'I Quit'

"Who would you say is the smartest male member of our crew?" Robin asked, smiling in curiosity.

"Hmmm…I think something objective would help. Wait here, Robin." The navigator disappeared into her room for a moment before re-emerging with a stack of paper and some pencils. Taking a deep breath, she yelled, "OI! EVERYONE, GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Of course, only Sanji had come immediately, so she had to yell out several threats/extortions before the rest would come.

"What? Why did you call us, Nami?"

"Yeah! We were busy having fun!"

Punching the offenders quiet, Nami sighed before handing each a piece of paper and a pencil.

"Here's an IQ test. Please finish it in an hour. If you refuse to do it, I'll charge you 50,000 beri."

The other members sweat-dropped, but didn't want to suffer Nami's wrath so did what she said. Well, all except Luffy.

"What? A test? What for? And what is 'IQ'?"

"It stands for "Intelligence Quotient."

"What's…in-te-ler-gernce…cow-sent? Is it MEAT?"

"NO! It's a measurement of how smart you are, okay? And don't cheat!" Nami hit Usopp who was already trying to peer over the reindeer's pink hat.

"Oohhhh…so it's a 'Mystery test!'"

"Spread out and start…NOW!" Ignoring the hopeless captain, Nami turned over an hourglass before walking back to the patio chair and sitting herself down. "Can you keep an eye on them for me while I chart out a new map, Robin?"

"Sure."

Still slightly confused – except for Sanji who had immediately said "HAI!" and scribbled answers onto his paper in a flurry – the Straw Hats (minus the women) sat down on the lawn deck, staring at the curious test.

* * *

An hour later, Nami was alerted by the gentle prodding of Robin's finger (well, a finger that was attached to an arm she had grown), so after stretching, she went round collecting the papers, punching Zoro on the head when she saw that he was asleep.

"Huh? Is it morning?"

"IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON!" Sighing, she decided to drop it, dismissing the other members. Sensing their freedom, Luffy, Usopp and Chopper yelled with joy, returning to whatever they had been doing previously. Zoro simply fell asleep again, Franky went below deck and Sanji still hovered around, wanting to see the results so that Nami would show him how much she loved intelligent men. At the thought, he melted in happiness, not noticing that the object of his affection was slowly edging away from him.

Shuffling through the papers and grabbing a red pen, she flipped through each one. And this is what she found.

Usopp: Mostly had answers that sounded confident and intelligent, but so ridiculous that they were obviously all made-up.

Chopper: His answers were identical to Usopp's.

Zoro: Apparently, right after scrawling "Roronoa Zor", he had fallen asleep (indicated by the extremely elongated "r" that trailed off the page. Plus a wet patch of drool). So apart from his unfinished name, it was blank.

Franky: He wrote a big "This is not my style; it's not SUPER" across the first page, and had folded complex paper boats out of all the rest – all equipped with mini paper cannons and catapults that could shoot paper pellets (which he had tested on the sleeping Zoro).

Sanji: Under each question was a haiku. Dedicated to either her or Robin, or both of them. Hearts were drawn all over the page as well, and more disturbingly, were those – _kiss marks?_

Luffy: His answers consisted of either "Mystery question!", "Meat" or "I don't know". And there was a bite mark on the corner of each page.

Nami fell to her knees, a cloudy, dark and depressing aura weighing her down so much that Robin had to say, "Ah. You don't have to answer my question if you don't want to."

-END-

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Aww, poor Nami. She's never going to get an answer. XD

Like Luffy, I've never understood the reason for IQ tests either, even though I've done a few. The highest I ever scored was 142. I've probably lost a lot of brain cells since then. But PLEASE REVIEW! If not out of love, then out of pity for my poor brain cells...


	5. Omake 5

Thank you for all the lovely reviews, everyone. And now the story must come to an end. But don't cry; I'm already working on my latest fanfic!

So here it is - the last omake. It's uncharacteristically short, but I hope you like it nonetheless. And once again, I own no rights to Oda's One Piece.

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OMAKE 5 - Only Idiots

"So, who do you think is the most intelligent male member in our crew?" Robin asked, curious as to what Nami's answer would be. After some thought, Nami opened her mouth to answer.

"None of them, because they've never been sick before. And only idiots can't get sick." She grinned deviously before nibbling on her snack again.

-Ta-daa-

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Apparently, there's a Japanese saying that goes something like "Idiots can't catch colds." Hmmm. I catch colds all the time, so…is that a good thing? Ah well. Review, and I'll see you next time!


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